Staying Connected


Tell me, O you whom I love, Where you feed your flock, Where you make it rest at noon. For why should I be as one who veils herself By the flocks of your companions? (Song of Solomon 1:7 NKJV)

Song of Solomon is a love poem that speaks about the intimate relationship between a Shulamite woman and her Belived, King Solimon. The poem has stanzas where they each express their love. In Song of Solomom 1:7, the Shulamite woman asks her Beloved where he feeds his flock and where he rests at noon. In modern term she’s asking where he’s working today and his plans for his lunch break. 

She isn’t being nosy or trying to meddle in his business. She’s not being needy and she’s not a stalker. She’s simply trying to make a connection with him. She’s seeking to maintain their intimacy in their daily routine. Strong, long lasting marriages are fueled and protected by emotional, physical, and social intimacy. When we’re physically apart from our spouses we’re still married. To maintain the relationship we need to know when, where, and how to connect even when we’re apart. 

“What time are you having lunch” is a question that opens the door for connection. The Shulamite woman could take a break from her day to meet and share a meal. She could send him something special to eat by a messenger. Today, we have many more opportunities for connection than the couple in Song of Solomon. We can share a phone call or video call at lunch time. We could connect quickly when we arrive at work to let our spouses know we’ve made it there safely or just as we’re leaving the office so they can anticipate our return. We can share a text or picture message on our breaks just to say “I love you”. 

These little connections help us maintain intimacy throughout the day. It’s important because without these connections, we or our spouses may inadvertently make ourselves available to connect intimately with others. The Shulamite woman asks “why should I be as one who veils herself by the flocks of your companions?” She’s basically saying without the connection to her Beloved she’s like a single woman who’s open to the advances of other guys. Let me be blunt about this. If we disconnect from our spouses we leave the door open for others to fulfill their need for intimacy. We’re leaving the door open for us to connect with others as well. 

The remedy for this situation is the same for every area of our marriages. Stay connected. Marriages that are disconnected are insecure and vulnerable to outside influences. But marriages that are intimate with full disclosure are closer, deeper, and last a lifetime. 

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